My Fellow Americans,
This is Barrack Obama. Let me be clear. This is my finest hour.
My Republican friends predicted defeat, yet we prevailed.
They are not just Climate Change deniers, they are Obama deniers.
Well, my denier friends, your chickens have come home to roost.
(standing ovation. Uncontrolled applause.)
My good friends predicted they would win control of the Senate—we gained seats in the Senate.
My good friends predicted they would gain seats in the house, we have regained control.
The people have spoken
Let me be clear.
The people have spoken.
I have a mandate. Hope and Change is back in style.
I have a number of initiatives I am going to initiate immediately—please hold your applause until the end. There are a few surprises, so please hold your applause to the end.
Perhaps you have heard of the “contract with America”
I plan to answer that miserable failed plan with my own plan that I call the
“contract with humanity”
As my first point in the contract with humanity, I am going to declare the doctrine of American non-exceptionalism. Americans are not exceptional, we are human. The only reason we have, is we have stolen from the have nots. I therefore declare by executive order an open borders policy. Citizenship of the United States is now citizenship to the world. For the sake of consistency, we will recognize dual citizenship with every nation on the planet. I am President of the World! This ends discrimination based on who has an ID: if you are a decent human being, you can vote. Period.
Next, I need to take care of the people who need it most. I am now announcing a tax rebate program. It is very simple. Anyone who filed a tax return and paid no tax will get a government check for 2016 dollars, courtesy of Barrack Obama and the US Treasury. The people who most need help will get it.
As the third point in my contract with humanity, I will end the partisan bickering. Benghazi? IRS? What will they trump up next? NSA? I will end it. I will lead. Signed and on my desk in the Oval office are 100 pardons—I am pardoning every body. I am pardoning people who don’t need a pardon. I want to end the partisan bickering. It is time to move on. If there was any wrongdoing, you would have found it, or it was accidental–what difference does it make.?
The fourth point in my Contract with Humanity will be the Sustainable Choice Tax Credit. Any woman who chooses abortion will get a 1,000 tax credit per abortion, to reflect the reduction in the burden on our planet saved. Every gay marriage will recieve a 2,000 tax credit, in recognition of the sustainability benefits of gay unions, which never result in some person being cursed with a baby.
The fifth and final point in my contract with humanity is a promise. I promise to not leave my work unfinished. It is the reason the tax rebate check is 2016 dollars. I plan to run for re-election in 2016. Let the election be a referendum, a referendum on term limits. America needs four more years of Barrack Obama
“All the candidates are the same who cares” I hear people say. They love to whine. They point out flaws within our own movement. This is a possible future you can help create if you stay home on election day. Let me say this as gently as I can. Get your sorry a$$ out of that chair and get registered to vote and show up election day, hell or high water.